just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
