if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
