I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
