return my video game
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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