I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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