C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
