He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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