I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
