I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
