i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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