Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
