were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
