I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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