i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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