News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
