So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
