All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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