i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
