I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
