Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
