please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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