Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Barsexuality is the new black.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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