i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
