How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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