you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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