So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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