my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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