Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
