So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
