WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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