So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
