now i know why i became what i already was.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
