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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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