ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
