she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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