it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
