im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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