Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
