half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
