Just fell off a train. Bad.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
