In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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