My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
