I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
