dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
