I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want her autograph on my taint
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
