Just mADE A PArabola og urine
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
