everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
