Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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