I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
