just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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