In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
